A prayer:

Lord, would You make it increasingly clear to me what of this world will subside that I may learn to treasure the things that won't. Even so, teach me to hide things away in heaven.

When we bring to God our desire to know him more, what we find is that he would, more than often, lead us to the lowly, the humble, the little, the poor. Note them, recognize them, engage with them. For theirs is the kingdom. They are those with whom God is near.

It takes some time for someone to believe and trust in something. It's yet another to realize they're here to stay.

In God's infinite wisdom he withholds from us things for the time being. Perhaps for us to know the joy of what a rightful anticipation can bring. That we may rightly receive it with full joy and gratitude.

On the other hand, in his infinite wisdom still he does not withhold from us his very best- what is necessary for the renewing of our hearts. They are the trials, the thorns, the convictions brought forth by the Spirit in truth. It is brought as truth, one that is sharper than any double-edged sword.

He would leave nothing left that is not of him.

Singing along to a song that has yet to unfold
There is a way, a road that is narrow
There's a song that commands us to love the poor
The ones we sometimes remember, other times not at all
And should our hearts grow calloused, it's one, in sorrow, we ignore

Cities have fallen on the neglect of our own brothers and sisters
Haven't I learned any of your words about loving your neighbors?
When Sodom fell at the neglect of the poor
I wonder if I would've done the same

This burden isn't new
I remember being compelled to love
Out I go into the open fields
Where the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few

I am in search for a people I have not yet known
for His great desire is to make Himself known
To share in their pain and point them to an everlasting Hope
when all surrounding circumstances and prospect of a prosperous future seem low

I take up this call but I have been foolish
I have been foolish to think that I can do this without a complete dependence on You
Until I realize it is all but by his grace
Lord, in your mercy, deal with me accordingly

I remember the words He once spoke,
"My yolk is easy, and My burden is light"
"Come to Me all you who are weary"
Fear not, for I am with you always

Sometimes I make a home in this place where I don't belong
But I see now; we weren't meant to belong
Our time here won't be long

Teach me to sing along to Your song
And to read between the lines
To love with every ounce of my being
In every way, teach me how to seek that I may find

Thankful when the Lord reminds me of the desires he once put in my heart that I have either forgotten or started to think them as a thing of the past.

Isaiah 55:9-11
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

He reminded me today to ask for the nations again. It's been a while. A moment too long. I remember carrying it on my heart. The nations. That certain anticipation that he is doing great things and I get to join in his grand plan to love him deeply in ways I've never seen. To see miracles and signs and wonders. To be a light. To bring hope. A sustaining one. To speak forth truth out of His Spirit and Truth. A love that blankets everything. When I think about justice, the things of God, I wonder where that fire and zeal has gone? The growing pains echo in the deepest part of my heart. I am seeing now that the things of God requires a deep work of the heart. What I was once passionate about is still there, but it has taken a much more steady turn. Give me eyes that perceive and not just see. The things you have spoken over me, over us, long before in preparation.

One thing I am reminded of again: God is not one to let his purposes and desire go to pass until he sees it fulfilled.

God, I am still attentive. Here we are, equip us, speak to your church, for Your servants are listening. Send us in due time. Keep us present here meanwhile.

From June of 2014.

Once again, their names are written on the front page.  Once again, the pixels on the screen make up an image that words are not enough to justify of the injustice and tragic that has taken place, and the unraveling of what will be required to mend it all.

I have been volunteering with an amazing group of people joined together with their compassion for refugees.  Today, in a mere 4 hours (in addition to the many hours put in to prepare), World Refugee Day was celebrated in Houston.  I met people from Congo, as they offered me cassava, with a joy as obvious as their smiles against their dark skin.

I volunteered as an administrator for the temporary shelter simulation for some time, and I got to speak with a few refugees and others who have physically helped some families who were once held in the strict refugee camp environment.

As I said good-byes to the 2 volunteers I had been with, the woman was sharing with me how it was still hard for her to play her role, as someone who hasn't really been through the experience.  She shared how knowing someone's reality, only in a general sense, just simply cannot equate to if this life was her own reality.

There are so many more stories. So many still making their way to preserve their life...Lord be their rod and staff.

It is undeniable that there will always be those moments in our lives that leave a more lasting impression when compared to others.  Maybe that moment had an extra dose of hope or humor. Other times memorable for other reasons.  At this very moment, without giving it much thought at this time of the night, I don't know how it all comes together really.  Sometimes it does get quite tiring trying to think about it all and figuring out what part God has for me to play, just to make sure i have a part to play.

Memory is a funny thing. Let me be satisfied in You.

Wouldn't days be lived differently, more fully with Him if we only realize that there won't be another day like today for his mercy is anew?

I recall the moments my old roommate and friend would discuss about the questions they wrestle with. And I sat there one time listening to them talk about how they don't understand evil in this world and there I was struck that I haven't even thought about this to their degree of zeal and passion. I was convicted about how little I cared about reconciliation in this life time. I became silent. My heart churned. I wrestled with God in my heart.