The Last Train Home

I really am grateful that God brought me here at UT, before I even knew there was a film program.  It's prestige and honestly, we have a lot of connections- a lot of which I had just recently found out about.  Only have I recently started to embrace these perks of being an rtf major really.  i had went into this major praying that the Lord would somehow lighten up my school work that I may carry more of His heart for this campus, this city, and whoever and whatever kinds of people He wants to put on my heart. Some burdens I have learned to guard it with consistent prayer and discipline, and others, like children and the 9-5, feels like they've been embedded deep down in my soul by His grace in and out of season.

Yesterday night, Heather screened The Last Train Home for class, a feature length documentary that followed families that have to live in extreme distance from their homes to work in factories to provide for their children or the rest of their family living in more urban areas in China. (it takes them a week of bus ride or a few days of train ride to get home, and a week prior to departure to purchase tickets). Their living conditions and limited expenses allow them to go home only once per year during New Years.  I watched thousands of people pushing through metal fences and police officials, a father hitting his daughter out of distraught and disappointment until the daughter falls defeated and exhausted on the ground.  i sat there conflicted, but I kept my eyes open.  Compassion and anger all mixed up within me that hour and a half until I felt like my heart was about to burst at any moment.  But it wasn't the anger but something else was filling up my heart.  I felt like a balloon being pumped with air.  I wasn't in over my head; I was not rising. But I sat in m chair until I was arrested by His love for people.    it got to a point in the movie where i was not too unfamiliar with the rural farms and bustling cities in China, my heart was so overwhelmed I just started asking God why I was feeling what I was feeling.  It was overwhelming but not overbearing.

RTF is perhaps anything you can think of.  Every reaction and assumption people make becomes part of being an RTF major.   it's all the initial reactions of wows and cools that might make the person that just answered, "Biochemistry." right before me have a lot less cool points (so important, btw. not the cool points. the Biochem).  the glamour- it's there.  the humor- it's there. the fun- it's there. the down and dirty- it's there.  the late nights, long stares, and napkin sketches- definitely there.  finding out how much you can enjoy, love the quirky people, and laugh and cry with them- it's there. but still, I'm convinced. There is no true enjoyment apart from knowing Him.  Because if He says He is true life. that He is the only way, truth, and life- that means there's so much more to the best friendships I have with people that don't know Him yet.   But I know.  That He is in my classrooms. He is at UT and he often breathes and speaks to his people.  His Truth is still setting people free.

please teach me how to love you rightly. i'm praying and asking.  please open the door. i know You're there.

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I need to watch 2 outside documentary screenings with q&a panel this semester for my class and time is running out for these opportunities. I was seriously struggling to decide because I haven't been to any this semester yet.  but the one tonight is about sexual assaults in the US military.  The Lord knew better for me to watch it.  Through bumping into Emily and asking the Lord if i should watch this one, they both said no. and told her I had been a bit emotionally distraught but I finally settled on no after i asked one more time on the way home.  the Lord doesn't change his mind on those he protects.

lesson: don't move until he does. not even according to opportunities. yes there are open doors and yes they may be from God but oh, the pleasure of being mindful of him and to be able to consider his ways!  Also, honestly, just might save you a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks and disappointments if we, His friends, would just be more mindful of our Best Friend.  His intentions are forever pure and right.  Forever. and...right now.  and right now. and now again. FOREVER.

Love always protects. I am so convinced that He provides. Thank you for the lessons you teach that go a lot longer than I know.  It's not my will but Your faithfulness.  I have a feeling I'll be resting on this Truth again.

You are so good to me. More of you and less of me, please. Amen and Amen!

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songs about God and songs to God just aren't the same.  Not better or worse perhaps, just not the same. wanna sing straight to Your heart. more than often i find that it's because no one else will do. :)