sometimes finding out my own deepest desire scares me.  not that the need scares me but how much I want and feel like I need it- up until the very point where I feel like my heart can no longer contain the longing inside.  that scares me.  it scares me to realize how much I need Jesus.  because at that point i get a glimpse of who I am without Him.  then comes in the One who is Perfect and Just and Merciful in all His ways and rushes a reality of His love into my heart until I can no longer stand or kneel there idle.  But this weight is different.  It makes me feel secure and makes me believe in Jesus, the One who is trustworthy.  you ever meet someone who is worthy of your trust?  and one whom you can entrust?   He is the One.

at tca today, the Lord searched my heart and i realized I just needed someone to tell me they believed in me this whole time.  I am so inconsistent with my tasks and time management. the thing that grieved me the most was that it is completely unlike Him.  He is swift because when he sees hurt, he knows it's important because the one holding the hurt has had his affection since the beginning of age.  

only You will do.

if low is where I'll find you, I'll go as low as You ask me to- as long as You are there God I'll say yes.  I want to see how you provide and ravish and blow my heart away.  Please, would you take me to places of trials to show me how much you are all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present.  

last shall be first

though the lowly maybe low, they are not forgotten by You.

oh to be someone with nowhere to go other than wherever He goes.