This scattered rain through out the day has proven to be rather therapeutic for the stress and worries I've accumulated over this past month.  Heartaches have never gone too well with me- but I suppose neither does it go well with most people.  Upon the decision to move back to Houston, I had not considered the need back home.  Within that last month until my lease in West Campus would end, as I pondered on this possibility of having to pack my bags and move 167 miles instead of a good 15 miles to north Austin, God slowly revealed to me why it was necessary for me to return home.  At first, I honestly didn't see the need for me to return home.   In my selfishness and limited understanding, I had thought that mom had already been living on her own for the past few years, it would be sufficient for us to see each other every so often.  Upon this thought, i realized I had been giving to my mom what would only suffice.  To the woman that had sacrificed her lifestyle, her interests for me,  I had only been giving her what was convenient.  Surely, she had in mind for me a good future like all moms would truly desire for their children.  There is a side of me I do not know- it terrifies me. There's an impatient, angry me somewhere in my heart that's been deeply rooted.  And it was against the person who had given up the most for me, next to Christ.  Maybe it was the move to America I resented; I still remember the day I had tears flowing endlessly down my face at the HK International Airport as a 9 year old.  Maybe it was the many unanswered questions to my family, my friends, my fears.

But I've learned to stick it out until that new situation grows on you.  Stick it out until those new faces grow on you.  Until you are able to see the people in front of you like the Lord does. Stick it out.  I'm convinced that we either must pray until we are to do so before we can call it quits and say our goodbyes.  Love until it hurts, then love some more.  Until only love remains.  Let the people grow on you as you keep asking God if right now, where I am is still where he wants you to be.  If yes, then love the people as well as you can and learn as best as you could.  Be diligent in listening to your boss, to your coworkers, to your newfound friends. Be watchful of the ways the people you meet and how they're moved.  It might be a lot for an initial encounter but sometimes, if we choose to be attentive, God gives us eyes to see what's really going on behind that happy, peaceful, anxious, or worrisome person in front of you.  Carry God's very peace into your work place and just wait and see how he opens doors and comfort people's hearts.

For those called to the work place, love as best as you know how to and continue to lean on Jesus.  For those called to schools, love as best as you've been loved as well and also continue to abide.  For those called to ministry and missions, also, love.  It is how much we've loved God with all our soul, mind, heart, and strength that matters.  And surely, it will become what only matters.

there's nothing like when you realize God is the reality you are living in.  And that means we're in for a grand miracle.

First, Lord, save me from myself.