So as I see pictures on Facebook the birthday parties my friend throws for orphaned children. I ask God, when? When will it be me that you will have me serve you in that capacity? I want to see the lame walk, to see the sick healed, to see the anxious find peace in You. When, where, how, what do I need to do?
Because I feel my heart struggling not to compromise, yet I don't know exactly where to turn.
Because I feel my heart struggling not to compromise, yet I don't know exactly where to turn.
Then You reminded of something that came out of my heart over 2 years ago.
"I don't want to know my calling better than I know the One who called me."
Yet this is exactly what I feel like I'm trying to do now. I started a search to figure out what my life is worth doing for. It became stressful and more than often discouraging.
And you tell me first and foremost that I am Your daughter. A child of the King. Why does it sound so cliche? Yet I know and remember that the cliche sayings, when taken seriously, are among the most powerful things said on earth.
It seems like the few chapters I've read in the book The New Friars are yet again putting into words what my heart has been tossing and turning over. Feeling a call to live alongside the poor while going through a heart-wrenching process of trying to get my mom on board so that I may have her blessing.
The time I asked God to lead me where to go and he gives me ample amount of times "Micah 6:8" would come up in conversations or the not-so-random posters on the wall of my second grade Sunday School class.
What do I do with all of this? I used to be so much more confident to take the next step.
I ask him once again about this whole thing and God says to me, "I want this to be where there is not." And by 'this', I knew he meant the worshipping on guitar, creative ideas, teaching sunday school, or anything of sort that would make him known. And I do not argue that that is his heart. To be made known as hope and Saviour to places and people that have yet to hear about this Love.
I read over the passage where Jesus said to care for the least of these. For caring for the least of these is doing it unto Christ Himself. I'm hoping to teach in a juvenile center soon and I'm really glad I was reminded to pursue Him first. That intimacy with Him is what will sustain me. I'm realizing more and more that I'm forgetful. But now I remember to not to chase after a calling that would deem me worthy and humble in the eyes of man. Because even that is empty if I am not fixed on Christ alone.
And you tell me first and foremost that I am Your daughter. A child of the King. Why does it sound so cliche? Yet I know and remember that the cliche sayings, when taken seriously, are among the most powerful things said on earth.
It seems like the few chapters I've read in the book The New Friars are yet again putting into words what my heart has been tossing and turning over. Feeling a call to live alongside the poor while going through a heart-wrenching process of trying to get my mom on board so that I may have her blessing.
The time I asked God to lead me where to go and he gives me ample amount of times "Micah 6:8" would come up in conversations or the not-so-random posters on the wall of my second grade Sunday School class.
What do I do with all of this? I used to be so much more confident to take the next step.
I ask him once again about this whole thing and God says to me, "I want this to be where there is not." And by 'this', I knew he meant the worshipping on guitar, creative ideas, teaching sunday school, or anything of sort that would make him known. And I do not argue that that is his heart. To be made known as hope and Saviour to places and people that have yet to hear about this Love.
I read over the passage where Jesus said to care for the least of these. For caring for the least of these is doing it unto Christ Himself. I'm hoping to teach in a juvenile center soon and I'm really glad I was reminded to pursue Him first. That intimacy with Him is what will sustain me. I'm realizing more and more that I'm forgetful. But now I remember to not to chase after a calling that would deem me worthy and humble in the eyes of man. Because even that is empty if I am not fixed on Christ alone.
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