Thankful when the Lord reminds me of the desires he once put in my heart that I have either forgotten or started to think them as a thing of the past.

Isaiah 55:9-11
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

He reminded me today to ask for the nations again. It's been a while. A moment too long. I remember carrying it on my heart. The nations. That certain anticipation that he is doing great things and I get to join in his grand plan to love him deeply in ways I've never seen. To see miracles and signs and wonders. To be a light. To bring hope. A sustaining one. To speak forth truth out of His Spirit and Truth. A love that blankets everything. When I think about justice, the things of God, I wonder where that fire and zeal has gone? The growing pains echo in the deepest part of my heart. I am seeing now that the things of God requires a deep work of the heart. What I was once passionate about is still there, but it has taken a much more steady turn. Give me eyes that perceive and not just see. The things you have spoken over me, over us, long before in preparation.

One thing I am reminded of again: God is not one to let his purposes and desire go to pass until he sees it fulfilled.

God, I am still attentive. Here we are, equip us, speak to your church, for Your servants are listening. Send us in due time. Keep us present here meanwhile.

From June of 2014.

Once again, their names are written on the front page.  Once again, the pixels on the screen make up an image that words are not enough to justify of the injustice and tragic that has taken place, and the unraveling of what will be required to mend it all.

I have been volunteering with an amazing group of people joined together with their compassion for refugees.  Today, in a mere 4 hours (in addition to the many hours put in to prepare), World Refugee Day was celebrated in Houston.  I met people from Congo, as they offered me cassava, with a joy as obvious as their smiles against their dark skin.

I volunteered as an administrator for the temporary shelter simulation for some time, and I got to speak with a few refugees and others who have physically helped some families who were once held in the strict refugee camp environment.

As I said good-byes to the 2 volunteers I had been with, the woman was sharing with me how it was still hard for her to play her role, as someone who hasn't really been through the experience.  She shared how knowing someone's reality, only in a general sense, just simply cannot equate to if this life was her own reality.

There are so many more stories. So many still making their way to preserve their life...Lord be their rod and staff.

It is undeniable that there will always be those moments in our lives that leave a more lasting impression when compared to others.  Maybe that moment had an extra dose of hope or humor. Other times memorable for other reasons.  At this very moment, without giving it much thought at this time of the night, I don't know how it all comes together really.  Sometimes it does get quite tiring trying to think about it all and figuring out what part God has for me to play, just to make sure i have a part to play.

Memory is a funny thing. Let me be satisfied in You.

Wouldn't days be lived differently, more fully with Him if we only realize that there won't be another day like today for his mercy is anew?

I recall the moments my old roommate and friend would discuss about the questions they wrestle with. And I sat there one time listening to them talk about how they don't understand evil in this world and there I was struck that I haven't even thought about this to their degree of zeal and passion. I was convicted about how little I cared about reconciliation in this life time. I became silent. My heart churned. I wrestled with God in my heart.

Cure for Indecisiveness.

I am indecisive. I think others can testify too if they get to know me in this season of life. It's not a quality I particularly like, and it is definitely something I want to change. maybe it's a holy and sanctifying discontentment that causes me to want to rid of this habit, thought process, or decision-making process. Whatever you have it.

I asked the Lord to reveal my heart about this. And i was led to this conclusion for the time being.

I am comforted and humbled as he did. in my indecision, he sees my heart deep down. I am stumbling and tumbling, picking my feet up by his hand as I try not to make any hasty decision. There are tim we s when wisdom calls for a timely decision. But in this season, i want to be tested in my dependence on my will, my heart, and my dependence. I do not want to make a hasty decision and instead want to get in a habit of acknowledging the Lord in my decisions, especially those that will affect how aligned my heart will be to his. And I want to be sanctified in this day to day. I desire His peace. Because while the rest of this world is living in fear, many from wandering, and many more by oppression, we need to be the ones to show the world that Christ, the One whom we love because He loved us first, is the Prince of Peace, and he has come to save. And has overcome the world. Are we ready to stand our grounds in love in face of fear? Or stand in the gap, or intercede, for another living in despair and fear?

Wake your church up once again to the reality of our world and the reality of who You are today.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/ng-interactive/2015/sep/04/syrian-refugees-pack-for-the-crossing-to-europe-crisis

in the in-between

Is this another "in-between"?

This stage of life where friends my age have broken out of the college life. We have grasped, and perhaps are still trying to grasp, the next step in this career stage of life. Trying to sustain, secure, ground ourselves in what we believe is ourselves. The self, that has been formulated by God, by our peers, by our family, by strangers... Many go into this post-college stage with confidence. Many more go in with questions. Even when some stability arises, some time after, uncertainty still rises up. All—which I believe—are for good, tough, challenging, and necessary reasons to stretch us and give us space to mature.

The question I find myself asking now is, "What am I supposed to do in this time? How do I relate to these people now?"

Here are the friends I have grown to love since college. That tight pocket of time where we lived and breathed the same air and shared the same meals even. Now every time we gather, the times spent are often connected with someone's milestone in life. There are more and more things to catch up on. And there are times where I feel like I have less and less words to share. But my understanding that life is tough journey lavished with His grace has never been as evident.  I remember praying for my friends when we all first went our separate ways. Then the realization comes when I can no longer play as much of a role in their lives as before. It was a cold hard truth, and one I truly did miss. But even that the Lord is teaching me to let go and entrust. Sometimes the deepest growth in others needs to happen when it's out of our hands but in His.

I have been reading Ecclesiastes 3. Little did I know the Lord is unfolding this before me right before my eyes.

"Teach me Your ways, o God."

thoughts on Feb 3rd post

In the brief past year and a half, I have been given many titles. I was a program associate, a teller, a photographer, an editor, a videographer, a graphic designer, a stranger, a friend, a teacher, a missionary, a student, a daughter, a sister, and most recently, a Marketing Media Specialist. Today, all of those still reside in me to some degree. The titles I hold closest to my heart are some of God's profound work of reconciliation in my life. 

We all take many different roles. And just as Andy (the author to an excerpt in my february post) said, these "will be the most fleeting thing" about us. And just like Steve, I hope that I would be remembered by how I have lived my all and how I've made the people that I have encountered, no matter where I was in life, feel loved, known, and heard. I wish more people told me a life that was precisely like that will require a thing called making sacrifices. Perhaps I would've been more aware of it then. I think many who have gone before me knew of this.  Even so, how I hope people will see my heart in the future, that is entirely up to how I choose to live my life for the Lord today. My life, I reckon, is ultimately the sum of the days I have now. All of which leads to God, who is the Alpha and Omega. In the words of Brooke Fraser's The Hymn, "You are the sum/You are the One". 

Whoever first described life as a journey was probably correct. For those who have the fortune, they get to carry a few things with them at the start of the journey. Overtime, no matter who we are, we pick up new things along the way. For those who grow wise, they learn the pleasure of laying things down. And as we grow, we learn to let go of things by choice in order to pick up the things we deem more worthy to carry, no matter the cost.

When we think about our purposes and callings on earth, I do agree it is to bear the image and restore the image in the world. The question remains is: How do we reflect that our Father in heaven is someone who knows each and every single person by name? That has to change the way we encounter people, doesn't it?

From the radio, I heard teachings of the Samaritan extending compassion to a fallen enemy by the roadside. It was something despicable. Samaritans hated the Jews, and the Jews hated Samaritans. It had been an age old strife. Neither side should have had any business with one another. But a bridge was crossed, when one really saw, and not just looked, the other who was robbed, beaten, and rendered helpless.

The next time I look around, I pray that I am able to continuously see people deeply again. To know pain and call it out. To know beauty through my relationship with Christ, and be called out. To know God's joy and pleasures forevermore as I rest in his presence.

What does it look like to make the most of whatever is given to us today? 

--

This past Sunday, a few friends of mine were leaving church as we looked for lost keys. I saw Rick walk in the opposite direction towards Phase I. Something in me urged me to say hello. The next 30 minutes that followed were like water to my parched soul as he shared about his recent trip to Western China. The encouragement he witnessed and gave, the songs and testimonies him and his group shared.... The light in his eyes as he was sharing his experience and his joy with the three of us.... surely where his heart is is not somewhere where moth and dust can go, steal, and destroy.  No, it was something far more eternal and valuable.