I wonder, sometimes, if songs sung from the deepest valley sound sweeter to the Lord's ear?

good to be learning so freely again.  the hiatus i took my heart had just been in a war.  at times with my strength wearing off. at times it would be strengthened.   i've missed hearing from Him with such assurance.  thank You.  i love this freedom to worship and love and learn. it's what we're made to do.  do not cast me away from Your presence.

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contrary to what a lot of us might feel when we see a cop on the road, i realize lately I feel extremely safe when i see one though they might be hiding or feel like they're out to catch us. it's as if i've come to an understanding that we're supposed to live in a city in harmony in justice, together. our dear policemen play their part. we play ours. 

but i know that feeling. the moment we see a police car.  we check our speedometers. we check our lights. we check everything and anything and suddenly you doubt everything that's going right even though you know you didn't commit a crime.  you know, just in case.  those times where suddenly i feel like i have everything illegal in my trunk or just hanging out my window.  and then i assure myself that i don't and just feel silly afterwards.

but it's funny.  the ones we get anxious about we know they're the ones we call when something happens in our home or wherever we are.  in the end we know they're the good guys.  we trust them. we hope they'll justly take care of car wrecks and burglaries.  they are ambassors of justice. a costly weight but most rewarding and utmost necessary.

i wonder people feel when they see an ambulance.

i felt incredibly safe driving home with one following me earlier this morning. i was so in the moment i actually drove slower. then i was going 40 on a 45 so he switched lanes and went ahead of me.  i was a bit bummed.  but while they were behind me, at that moment the Lord spoke to me saying that i have angels protecting you. He assured me in my spirit that He is watching not over over me but that every step He is behind me.  If anything would've happened in that 5 minutes I had left on the road, aid would come my way.  this is what being in His family is like.  i felt empowered at that moment. to move forward to go wherever he goes.  He has never left and never will.

but i remember also, that these police ambulance drivers, and paramedics- they have families. They are part of one. they are someone's father, husband, brother, or son. #prayforthoseonHishearttoday

God, show me what you have given me that nothing of this world can ever give.

blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

matthew 5:4

a good friend of mine reminded me once again the one essential thing needed in this life.  that though there are things in my life that i do not understand, the most important thing in which i can take delight in is that i know God that He knows me.  sometimes i wonder that if we could only see and recognize every blessing in my life, see if we won't be overwhelmed by his goodness.

some reason i'm awake this morning with a sturdiness in my heart.  i still feel like i'm going into war, and sometimes silence is the biggest enemy.  but i will wait.

This scattered rain through out the day has proven to be rather therapeutic for the stress and worries I've accumulated over this past month.  Heartaches have never gone too well with me- but I suppose neither does it go well with most people.  Upon the decision to move back to Houston, I had not considered the need back home.  Within that last month until my lease in West Campus would end, as I pondered on this possibility of having to pack my bags and move 167 miles instead of a good 15 miles to north Austin, God slowly revealed to me why it was necessary for me to return home.  At first, I honestly didn't see the need for me to return home.   In my selfishness and limited understanding, I had thought that mom had already been living on her own for the past few years, it would be sufficient for us to see each other every so often.  Upon this thought, i realized I had been giving to my mom what would only suffice.  To the woman that had sacrificed her lifestyle, her interests for me,  I had only been giving her what was convenient.  Surely, she had in mind for me a good future like all moms would truly desire for their children.  There is a side of me I do not know- it terrifies me. There's an impatient, angry me somewhere in my heart that's been deeply rooted.  And it was against the person who had given up the most for me, next to Christ.  Maybe it was the move to America I resented; I still remember the day I had tears flowing endlessly down my face at the HK International Airport as a 9 year old.  Maybe it was the many unanswered questions to my family, my friends, my fears.

But I've learned to stick it out until that new situation grows on you.  Stick it out until those new faces grow on you.  Until you are able to see the people in front of you like the Lord does. Stick it out.  I'm convinced that we either must pray until we are to do so before we can call it quits and say our goodbyes.  Love until it hurts, then love some more.  Until only love remains.  Let the people grow on you as you keep asking God if right now, where I am is still where he wants you to be.  If yes, then love the people as well as you can and learn as best as you could.  Be diligent in listening to your boss, to your coworkers, to your newfound friends. Be watchful of the ways the people you meet and how they're moved.  It might be a lot for an initial encounter but sometimes, if we choose to be attentive, God gives us eyes to see what's really going on behind that happy, peaceful, anxious, or worrisome person in front of you.  Carry God's very peace into your work place and just wait and see how he opens doors and comfort people's hearts.

For those called to the work place, love as best as you know how to and continue to lean on Jesus.  For those called to schools, love as best as you've been loved as well and also continue to abide.  For those called to ministry and missions, also, love.  It is how much we've loved God with all our soul, mind, heart, and strength that matters.  And surely, it will become what only matters.

there's nothing like when you realize God is the reality you are living in.  And that means we're in for a grand miracle.

First, Lord, save me from myself.

there are just some days where it just feels like goodness is all around you.  take the time to soak it all in.  Grace. it leads to deeper things.  Christ's life in me keeps my heart alive.  Drink deep!!!!