a call to die to yourself is more than just putting away the old but saying yes to Him. yes to walking in his ways. like all systems of government, there's a way a city operates by the ordinances given to it. His is the economy of mercy and everything we don't deserve. It's of holiness and justice. crying out because I know I can depend on him. crying out because I trust him and know his character and he knows mine (far better!) !!! his listens quickly and is slow to anger. He is right here. He is compassionate and his love is like a consuming fire. i want to be a law abiding citizen of the kingdom of heaven whom the King is my friend! oh, to be a friend of the Bridegroom. we want more of Your heart- You who is able to turn a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. it's the way He moves me that causes me to dwell! Come have Your way, Jesus!

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Can you feel your hand in Mine?

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Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

2You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

5You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

7Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths,^a you are there.

9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

12even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

13For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17How precious to^b me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

19If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

22I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

best thing about walking with the Spirit- you get to be at the right place at the right time. Not one elevator too early or too late.

glory to Jesus in Jester!

world map test

been studying for today's world map test for almost 6 hours straight not including sleep...going through pages after pages of rivers, mountains, islands, currents... i realized it's so much easier to identify the lakes and physical features like mountains by name once you have the countries memorized. and just like that, i know where to look once i associate Yucatan Channel with Yucatan. or Lake Michigan with the state Michigan. i know my free access to the map that's pinned up against the wall right in front of me and to the internet. before i knew exactly where the features of a certain place are, i know where it ought to be and came a confidence of where to search for it.

and similarly, that's what a person walking according to the Word is like! there is confidence in knowing that at all times God beholds His peace, wisdom, holiness, mercy, grace, etc. that we can receive if we want it. if we ask. He is faithful to answer our hunger if we ask. He knows how to give good gifts to his children!

the land represents the foundation. it takes time to memorize, to meditate on. it took me days of memorization and pondering on it. reviewing it with my eyes closed, pinpointing it on a map with eyes wide-open while sitting, others times standing. sometimes more than others more flustered because i get anxious of all that i still have to memorize that's ahead... i still had sections after sections of land areas to memorize until late last night. but to appreciate the details, thinking about the people in the land areas got me through little by little. but once you know it, it became almost effortless to identify nearby islands and currents that carry the same part of name. So, devote yourselves to the living Word and spend time with the Lord of lords. the Word made flesh is the exact representation of God (heb 1:3). Jesus and God share the same heart. what joy when all of His children on Earth almost effortlessly, yet with great confidence, look to God in all circumstances because we recognize the qualities and riches of God we read about in the Bible and how he's with us always. but one thing is necessary, one thing i recently learned, is to evaluate if our seeking is just to meet needs. turn from that mentality to "what is God doing". His works are wonderful! He will equip well those he calls. listen, wait on him, and enjoy him! You were made to know him!

and to think of the work it took to memorize most of the Earth.... the Lord knows it in and out- wow.

Joshua 1 tells us to never let the Law leave our mouths to meditate on his Word day and night. that is the joy of being a Christian! we know exactly who to go to when you are looking for peace, for understanding, for love, for delight. He's right there. so draw away and pray, go to the secret place, tells others about this place, and soak in the Word day and night!!! Treasure Him. Jesus' friendship is absolutely extravagant. He is a God of extravagance- but not excess. Oh, what joy and beautiful devotion!!! Pleasures forever more at His right hand!

pressing forward

i set my heart on a pilgrimage, through the valley of weeping i will go
i set my heart on a pilgrimage, until I appear before God in Zion
--
in this life we've been called to strain toward what is ahead. to press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ (philippians 3:13-14)
that means we must continue to hunger and thirst for more of God-that is the greater thing. it is the only thing that will ever be worth your time and discipline. it is to live up to, not in a manner of boasting, what has already been attained. and what has been attained, what has been won for us is the everlasting relationship, constant communication between us and God. there is yet more delightful mysteries to be unfolded about His ways and His thoughts...but we can rest assure that they are all higher and they are all good; all full of an unwavering love. we have been called to run after holiness, righteousness, purity...to approach His throne with our heart and not just our lips. God would command lip service and he will receive it if that was what he wanted. but he has called us to worship in spirit and in truth. we must press on for victory over the things that get in the way of His love! run above and beyond our own strength and our own love! we were not made to be separated from Him but to be in his presence :D

"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." james 1:2-4

it's realizing who we're made for and what we are made to do!!!!!!!

--

argentina, word made flesh, spanish...

i lean not on my own understanding

God has been so faithful to my youth group this past week as we went to la feria for missions... one thing i realized was that my love alone will never be enough to love someone completely; it can never be compared to God's deep friendship and love for his children. my love alone will never be enduring enough- we were meant to be in love with someone perfect, meant to taste goodness in our souls, meant to "share in his holiness" (heb 12:10). this is the grace given to us through Jesus taking up our sins, dying on the cross, then raising up again. i need Him so much.... we cannot love well without Him! i want to love the people around me well that i may encourage them to greater things. utmost for His highest. we must live in a way that will prepare our brothers and sisters to welcome Jesus rightly as "we see the Day approaching" (heb 10:25). by how we ought to worship God "with reverence and awe"(heb 12:28) now, his awe only continues to build up the more we understand and spend time with him. he wants us to know how good he is... and indeed he is good. and even if we don't cry out for his kingdom come, for him to come on earth, the rocks will (luke 19:40). his glory cannot be contained. and without a doubt when we worship him, we find ourselves found in Christ and filled with joy- this is the One we were made for for eternity!!!! this is a God whose kingdom cannot be shaken we're talking about here!

we stopped at a gas station for a break on the way back from la feria. there was a man in a collared shirt and slacks, sitting on a bench in front of the convenient store. He sat with his head rested on his arms on his knees for the whole time as the 40 of us flowed in empty handed and out with candy and relief. i looked to others and told a few in chinese i wanted to talk to the man outside. i often wrestle around with myself like this until i suddenly receive a measure of boldness. it happened again this time as i held the door open that i may stand at the least awkward yet nearest spot to the bench, waiting on some kind of nudging from the Holy Spirit. but he immediately reminded me of how his nudges now to love others are indefinitely the same as the ones he gave since i met him; he is steadfast in love. he brings glory to Jesus by taking what is His and making it known to man. Robert was not an exception; for all will see the glory of God.

we made small talk and ended up praying for his safe travels. love overcame my fears and uncertainty. love overwhelmed my heart and the only thing i could do was love more. that our Father's kind of love. it all started with a loving heart; you don't always need a word or flashing billboard. faith as a mustard seed that believes we are really fallen and need his love is really enough.

praying that approaching people will just get easier from on out as the reality of a loving God settles in my heart.

Give us Your heart to love You.

also realized on this trip that leadership is one of many things that does not come natural to me. i grew so proud and in love with the youth and children from TCA... i am so encouraged. ATPC had also tremendously blessed us by their faith and joy. but all those things i have learned and yet to learn, one thing i know that i want to hold true for the rest of my life: to lean not on my own understanding, for my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heavens.

for theirs is the kingdom

it is never too early to prepare for the Lord's work! i feel like the support letter is just as crucial. as i'm revising it, God has been reminding and reviving SO many burdens and passions he had once placed on my heart... and i've never felt so happy to carry them....

"He said,

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 5

I felt a flood of grace, like royal robe that covers me and runs miles long behind me as I kept on reading. I began to see what was close to His heart. Jesus taught as One that longed to see those who were sitting in front of him come to know these very rewards. That perhaps one day, they would all be able to proclaim as David did in Psalm 27:4, "One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple."

Jesus taught as One that loves to encourage and see His children love the way He does.

God, please teach us what is required of us to know the depths of Your love.

tentative

May 17^th- Depart for Hong Kong
-Intern with The Mustard Seed Workshop www.themustardseedworkshop.com

-see immediate and extended family (it’s been 3 years for most of them!)

July 18^th: groups arrive to meet in HK

July 20^th-23^rd: Training Days

July 24^th-August 7^th: Missions in the 1040 window

August 8^th-9^th: HK

August 14^th: I depart HK for Houston

August 22^nd: Senior year at UT begins!