studying for sociology of criminal justice exam tonight.  just read over the term "working personality":

A personality characterized by authoritarianism, cynicism, and suspicion, developed by police officers in response to danger and the obligation to exercise authority.

thinking and praying for our police officers tonight.  may their hearts not be hardened towards the gospel when they hear of it and the acts of kindness you display before them.

#saveYourpeople

in it to see Him turn tides

make me an instrument of your peace

ended up with pages FILLED with things the Spirit was teaching and reminding me during class this morning... he is teaching me so much i can't stop writing.  this is grace: it looks like i'm fervently taking notes in class... why does he choose to teach me when the normal/ usually right thing to do is pay attention to your professor. i don't know- but i'm not saying no!

He always makes thing work. and makes a way that i can learn deeper things from the surface things.  Lord please help me be more practical but don't draw me far away from the heart of what really matters. learning the importance and need to sit on things after i learn though.  he keeps using my classes to teach me how to read.  then he shows me out of love, these skills pour over into reading His Word.

Diligence is what he is counseling me in. :) Diligence is what I've been desiring.  it's the Spirit in me desiring.  no other delight is like this: to desire what the Spirit desires. so precious.  You are so precious.

#pearlofgreatprize

amazing thing about his love is that it spreads wide but never spreads thin.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=QmtRX_AZcPg&feature=endscreen

there's a fire shut up in my bones
--

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=k3ax-LlD274&feature=endscreen

JUST learned some of these exact. things. learned it verbatim this week. wow. Counselor.

yielding. loving the hidden.

--

there is NEVER loss in yielding to the Spirit.

1 Timothy 4:12

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

vision and heart towards ms/hs. they lead in conduct and thought and faith and everything. they reflect so much of you. i dare not call them rowdy again; these are Your children.  thanks for reminding me that they are more than their behaviors and to enjoy them as they are while exhorting them :) help me be a humble teacher....help me honor them.  


considering them as better.

♪

You are beautiful
in the way that You saved me
in the way that You gave me life

---
gotta be ready when someone ask for the hope that we have!
maybe sometimes we just think too much that we're not jumping at sharing what the Lord has been doing. or perhaps it's been a deep work- too deep for words. but either way, it got me thinking about this once again.

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." 1 Peter 3:15-16

it's about being ready to exalt him at all times.  in tune with Jesus' heart as a servant.

haha. just remembered our most used quote from missions at Cagayan de Oro in a much familiar accent:

"Ready now? Ready now?"

bringing much truth and conviction now.

it's the asking and still wanting to know Him, to see Him and to be with Him after a trial- that's fruit. that's faith producing perseverance.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
Romans 5

pride. temptation. shame. doubts.

so real.

humility. perseverance. character. hope. 

He's real.

here's to another time where He's used a sermon by John Piper to counsel me and tell me everything that's going on and what I'm going through.  he understands.

i don't know how He does it but it's right on.  He is my counselor.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/the-word-of-god-is-at-work-in-you

please God. please keep blowing me away with your words that were spoken through a message preached over a year ago.

things are right and timely when we consider You first.

"exhibit A that you are a Christian- how you carry through trials. you may be weeping your eyes out but there's still joy because he's there."

many times you have to hold onto Truth until you see it come to pass. and you can literally see it come to pass.  the Bible does not lie.  and it says everything like it is.  peace that guards your heart when you present him your request? check.  looking after orphans and widows, and that's what God calls a religion that is pure? check.  mercy anew? check.  God so loved the world he gave his only Son?  i do not dare to check and just move on. i am not even worthy to just make some remark.  this is something incomprehensible by man. why would a perfect God, who only knew of the unity and secure relationship and peace, freedom, fulfilling love give all that up for us?  for me?

and the crazy thing is that there are times where you find yourself reading a verse and think, that time when the words before you become tangible because it's so close to home it either hurts or resonates until it moves your heart.  not the bubbly heart with an exclamation point gloss over it kind of heart but the tender and most vulnerable and sensitive kind. the real, deep deep ohh deep down down kind.  real. tangible. what i'm read is exactly i can actually live and see it happen real.  which goes to show there is a real reason behind all of Scripture. Hope is just as tangible as the boost of confidence you feel. confidence is really belief and deeper understanding of His sovereignty mayhaps!

read from my virtual journal from a couple days ago: 

"God, bring me to things that will lead me to care about who you care about."

i've been noticing how i'm living in this now. wow i feel it.

--

Sink or swim, I'm diving in
Where the river starts rushing
Where my heart starts beating
For the rhythms of the testing
and the songs of the trials
I will lift a cry up to You
Sung with hope inside my eyes

Give Me a Song - United Pursuit Band

--
rhythms of the testing means rhythms to Your victories.  swimming in Your rhythms of lovingkindness, gentleness, and forgiveness.

 you take care of each other as best as possible so people who are running with you in this life wouldn't have to worry about where they have lack (but not ignore) so they can focus on exceling in whatever they're good at and have called to be and do.

if a sister is tired, bring her a chair!
so she can keep sewing. or singing. or preaching. or something.

#acts2attitude

constant dependency

knowing You allows us to walk righteously, purely, and genuinely, speak gently, listen quickly, and act mercifully, and love abundantly because You did. :) 

one of those times when you remember that what you're living in you once prayed for or the Lord once told you.

ah, my heart.

things always start to happen when fasting starts.  when one says more of him and less of me.  when one says whatever it takes to get to You.  when one says I'm in it for the long haul.  when one says til death to us apart.  expect trials and temptations. expect confusion. expect uneasiness.  expect speechlessness. but all the more expect goodness, holiness, joy, gentleness. expect that the One you learn to lean on in this time prevails. expect speechlessness, but this time, because you're in awe.  Death can't even tear us apart, ha! Life wins. Love wins.  You won yesterday, You win today, You win forever.

Where You begin, darkness ends.  Make fresh beginnings with my community God.

In me. Mercy anew over me. Over us.

Always dig deeper. Crying out to the deep.  Seriously.

The Last Train Home

I really am grateful that God brought me here at UT, before I even knew there was a film program.  It's prestige and honestly, we have a lot of connections- a lot of which I had just recently found out about.  Only have I recently started to embrace these perks of being an rtf major really.  i had went into this major praying that the Lord would somehow lighten up my school work that I may carry more of His heart for this campus, this city, and whoever and whatever kinds of people He wants to put on my heart. Some burdens I have learned to guard it with consistent prayer and discipline, and others, like children and the 9-5, feels like they've been embedded deep down in my soul by His grace in and out of season.

Yesterday night, Heather screened The Last Train Home for class, a feature length documentary that followed families that have to live in extreme distance from their homes to work in factories to provide for their children or the rest of their family living in more urban areas in China. (it takes them a week of bus ride or a few days of train ride to get home, and a week prior to departure to purchase tickets). Their living conditions and limited expenses allow them to go home only once per year during New Years.  I watched thousands of people pushing through metal fences and police officials, a father hitting his daughter out of distraught and disappointment until the daughter falls defeated and exhausted on the ground.  i sat there conflicted, but I kept my eyes open.  Compassion and anger all mixed up within me that hour and a half until I felt like my heart was about to burst at any moment.  But it wasn't the anger but something else was filling up my heart.  I felt like a balloon being pumped with air.  I wasn't in over my head; I was not rising. But I sat in m chair until I was arrested by His love for people.    it got to a point in the movie where i was not too unfamiliar with the rural farms and bustling cities in China, my heart was so overwhelmed I just started asking God why I was feeling what I was feeling.  It was overwhelming but not overbearing.

RTF is perhaps anything you can think of.  Every reaction and assumption people make becomes part of being an RTF major.   it's all the initial reactions of wows and cools that might make the person that just answered, "Biochemistry." right before me have a lot less cool points (so important, btw. not the cool points. the Biochem).  the glamour- it's there.  the humor- it's there. the fun- it's there. the down and dirty- it's there.  the late nights, long stares, and napkin sketches- definitely there.  finding out how much you can enjoy, love the quirky people, and laugh and cry with them- it's there. but still, I'm convinced. There is no true enjoyment apart from knowing Him.  Because if He says He is true life. that He is the only way, truth, and life- that means there's so much more to the best friendships I have with people that don't know Him yet.   But I know.  That He is in my classrooms. He is at UT and he often breathes and speaks to his people.  His Truth is still setting people free.

please teach me how to love you rightly. i'm praying and asking.  please open the door. i know You're there.

--
I need to watch 2 outside documentary screenings with q&a panel this semester for my class and time is running out for these opportunities. I was seriously struggling to decide because I haven't been to any this semester yet.  but the one tonight is about sexual assaults in the US military.  The Lord knew better for me to watch it.  Through bumping into Emily and asking the Lord if i should watch this one, they both said no. and told her I had been a bit emotionally distraught but I finally settled on no after i asked one more time on the way home.  the Lord doesn't change his mind on those he protects.

lesson: don't move until he does. not even according to opportunities. yes there are open doors and yes they may be from God but oh, the pleasure of being mindful of him and to be able to consider his ways!  Also, honestly, just might save you a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks and disappointments if we, His friends, would just be more mindful of our Best Friend.  His intentions are forever pure and right.  Forever. and...right now.  and right now. and now again. FOREVER.

Love always protects. I am so convinced that He provides. Thank you for the lessons you teach that go a lot longer than I know.  It's not my will but Your faithfulness.  I have a feeling I'll be resting on this Truth again.

You are so good to me. More of you and less of me, please. Amen and Amen!

--
songs about God and songs to God just aren't the same.  Not better or worse perhaps, just not the same. wanna sing straight to Your heart. more than often i find that it's because no one else will do. :)

just came back from the chop and i just cannot shake off His presence.  we sang It is Well- a simple yet beautiful song (i am so convinced worship in gratitude is ever the proper and natural response to who God is and able to do). It was never more befitting at the time. I love the way God gives more and more meaning to things I've probably come across so many times.

And then He moved me.  Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight.    At that very moment during that line it was like he stamped this vision on my heart with a loud thud. i get it. what lies ahead. what all that he is drawing me to and requires by faith- this is the hope made tangible and possible and real through Jesus: I get to see Him in sight in the end. And how worth it He is for me to walk His walk and His talk. by faith. for the rest my life here on earth.  for the rest of today and everyday. more and more has he emphasized it's about being faithful day to day.

it's these times with You i pray that it would never be taken away.  i am so grateful that You have made Yourself possible for us to be so near to us and allowing me to find You so dear to me.

i had spent my morning and afternoon at the Austin Marathon handing out water and cheering for runners at the last water station of the full marathon.  By then, whoever that made it had already ran 25 miles.  From the water station looking ahead, a hill is clearly visible for every runner on it's path.

Will you still run when you feel like no one else around you is running?
How will you run when you're by yourself?
With people?

God, you really get me thinking sometimes.  Actually always.

Am I alone worth your all?

Yea...

Because there are times when others are behind due to their own pace and struggles. Everyone had on different outfits and carried different things- some more than others according to what they felt was necessary to keep them energized, hydrated, and warm.  For you, you might not need to carry so many things anymore from this time on.

You seriously have endless ways to speak to me.  I get it.

It's because I have learned I have everything I need in You.  I signed up to get more than just knowledge and experiences.  I signed up to know You.  I'll run for You.

I know you did.

:)

--

also learned that no matter where you are or on a Sunday- the point is that i want myself, my brothers and sisters to have fallen more in love with Jesus.

Church is where He is the head.  You lead as the One who has finished this race.

it's only under pressure that fine wine is made.

set my eyes upon Your radiance.

i can barely get through a few pages in an hour because He keeps teaching me things. 

it's a novel! about russian fairy tales!  

jn21:25 not enough room in this world for books about what Jesus has done.
add to it.

sometimes, more often than others, it's a much more beautiful thing to see things unfold than to make it work. :)  act of unveiling means something is presented and God does it so wonderfully. It's beautiful. Jesus is so beautiful in all His ways.
the act of waiting ought to be valued more and more in our lives!

nothing speaks trust than to wait when you could be doing every other thing- perhaps when we take matters into hands, it's when we forget who is Giver of all things anyhow.  But grace is the name I can call upon!

waiting patiently.

His presence of reconciliation, friendship, and peace in our apt today.  someone earlier last week came in and said they felt so peaceful as they came in.  I remember when I had prayed for this specifically.  His presence always makes all the difference.  He remembers.

Your nearness is so good

You are my Counselor.

i love it when You remind me of all the things you've taught me.  They are still as good as it first gripped me. there is still life attached to every Truth.  it is truly alive and active.  Jesus is still alive and active!! it's just like when i first understood You and the things you show me. like a revelation of how a formula substitutes and works its way into solving a problem.  and you find out how each variable relates to one another.  it's kinda like life.

woke up this morning feeling like I was covered in prayer.  confidence and peace. often being covered in prayer is knowing that i must abide.   Jesus's readiness is being ready to give Himself away.  I can only give what I have.

who yearns to know You today?

first leads to the reality that

I need to know You.

whether it was because someone else had prayed for me or the reality that Jesus lives to intercede for me there's nothing like understanding that He is for me. that blessed assurance to know a friend is for you.  that they look forward  just to see you.

every time i think that Jesus is still mindful of me moves me so deeply. to be mindful of someone is an expression of love. i am so convinced that He is. for me, for you.  when you're in love with someone you protect all their ways. love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. all these things are all selfless. you can't protect others if you're protecting yourself.

hope.to  expect with confidence.  feeling that something will happen for the best.
more and more has Jesus's victory and returning been my hope.

when the Spirit is present, even dictionary.com becomes convicting.

if a little Truth is about to steer my ship, let me be ever watchful of my thoughts and speech.  it's every little way i get to live knowing I am loved by You.  You give and take so well.  I won't be reserved.

I know You hear me.  Help all my unbeliefs!

On another note, we get to live with the attitude of "TGIF" on MTWTHFSaS! Ha! love starts today because He started it an eternity ago.

let He who loves the Lord say so. :)  #actionandtruth